So, I was surfing the web the other day and came across an interesting read. The concept of quirkyalone.
Definition: a person who enjoys being single, but is not opposed to being in a relationship; he or she generally prefers to be alone and not dating just for the sake of being in a couple.
I found this interesting because the label describes me. In this sex-crazed, romance-crazed world we live in, there is high societal pressure to be hooked up, coupled up, or married. Especially for those of us who are women. As I approach 30 years of age, I’m beginning to be confronted with questions about when I am going to get married. These assaults come from family, acquaintances, and strangers. It’s strange because I can see that the sand in their hourglass for me is quickly running out yet I don’t feel that pressure for myself. I don’t share that sense of my biological clock ticking, or of my fertility decreasing with every passing second, or of all the good men being taken. It’s not that I don’t ever want to be in a relationship or married. I just don’t see what the hurry is.
Self-worth Determined By Relationship Status
In college I knew a woman who wasn’t happy unless she was with a guy and that was quite difficult as we happened to be in a women’s college. My friend was simply depressed being alone. So she would hook up or date one guy or another – always on the search for the next guy to be with. Like being alone is such a curse. Like one has no self-worth if one is not in a relationship. That’s so asinine.
Alone DOES NOT mean lonely. I think for a lot of people though they are in relationships to feel whole. To get the yin for their yang or vice versa. For me any relationship would be a supplement not a completion to my being.
I’ve often been told that I’m too picky or have too high standards. So be it. I just don’t want to be bogged down you see. There are just too many married people out there who are really really lonely. Life is short so there is no need to be miserable in it I say. There is no need to waste precious energy on the wrong man. Furthermore, I think you need to love yourself before you are capable of loving another. In this society we’ve got primary school children already obsessed with boyfriend/girlfriend issues and they don’t even know themselves yet!
I honestly would rather be alone and open to possibility than to be unhappy in a committed relationship. I would rather be independent than codependent. Does that make me picky? I don’t think so. I think I am just being unapologetically true to my core self. It’s my life right? Why should I compromise my core sense of self to please someone else? Even if that someone else is my mother. What joy is there being tethered to the formulaic expectations of society?
The traits of a quirkyalone that I see in myself
- enjoys being single
- loves life and all the many experiences
- treats life as one big choose-your-own adventure
- prefers not to date just because it’s the thing to do
- prefers not to date just for the sake of not being alone
- prefers to be alone than in a relationship in which they cannot be themselves
But isn’t this just the same as a loner?
I don’t think so. A loner generally has few friends and could be socially awkward. On the other hand, a quirkyalone has a strong network of friends, lives for the excitement of meeting new people, and places a strong importance on friendships. In a way, a quirkyalone is highly romantic in the real sense of the word. They are romancing the world instead of romancing a single person. Beautifully said!
With all that said, I am still young. I wonder if I will still be a content quirkyalone at age 40! Truth is of course I want to be coupled up and can’t wait for that to happen…with the right man. I’m not trying to be single into my old age.
So are you a quirkyalone? Take the quiz to find out.